A recent Reddit post about parenting by Strawberrythirty caught my attention just from the headline. . . “I kind of resent the fact that kids keep making friends with rich kids…” The original poster (OP) went on to say that her 11-year-old and 9-year-old kids are the only ones whose parents spend money on them. He said he tends to gravitate towards children who have.
Her problem is twofold. First, she noticed that her kids were starting to ask for things she couldn't afford, like her $400 VR headset. Because we played together at her friend's house and “it was amazing.'' Or, she wonders, will her children spend their winter vacation at Disney World? Her response was hilarious and relatable: “When $7,000 fell from the sky into my hand.”
But the second part of her problem is a play date and a situation where her “spartan 100-year-old house with rickety stairs and a small bedroom and not much to do” has become the home of a wealthy family with a basement. It stems from a feeling of inability to compete. The entire playroom has been renovated (complete with air hockey and rock climbing).
What happens when other children want to come over to her house is that they are tired of the less fancy games and toys. This creates another problem with the parents coming to pick up their kids in the Ferrari, and the OP feels self-conscious as they stand in the doorway and look inside the house with “various pieces of furniture and cats running around everywhere.” I feel it. . ”
She ended by saying that she would never share these thoughts with her children because she didn't want them to feel self-conscious. But she hopes her children will find her “a friend whose mother has a messy little house with unkempt hair and a filthy basement.”
I understand where Strawberrythirty is coming from in that my husband and I are trying hard to give our daughter a nice and comfortable life. We worked hard to be able to buy her a nice home, take family trips (including Disney World), and provide her with toys and other experiences like camping and extracurricular activities.
We don't talk about how big other friends' houses are or how much other families can or can't afford. Maybe it's because she's only 8 years old, but for now she's happy with what she has and is excited to see how other families are doing and never compares. It doesn't seem like he has any intention of doing so.
My husband grew up in a very wealthy town called Greenwich, Connecticut. Many of his friends drove cars that cost as much as our house. They had several villas with live-in staff. For them, it was a way of life and all they knew. My husband's family moved to this area to receive an excellent public school education. That is, they lived in a community of townhouses rather than acres of land.
However, my husband has found a group of friends who perhaps have more material things, but who don't make him feel less than them. The house where her husband grew up was the one her friends enjoyed and were drawn to. I once heard a story about her husband's friend (not her husband) sitting at the kitchen table when her in-laws came home and she just walked in and ate her cereal. Maybe her friends had an Olympic-sized pool or a guest house to hang out in. But the comfort and ease of her husband's childhood home were more appealing.
That's not to say it's not natural to compare yourself to others and let feelings of insecurity creep in when it seems like they have so much more than you do. It all depends on your perspective and how you frame it. That was very clear in the comments on the post.
Lauren Brown West-Rosenthal, author
That's not to say it's not natural to compare yourself to others and let feelings of insecurity creep in when it seems like they have so much more than you do. It all depends on your perspective and how you frame it.
— Lauren Brown West-Rosenthal, author
For example, Sleepymoose88 thought her family was doing well until her 7-year-old son befriended children from nearby upscale neighborhoods. He used this as an opportunity to say, “Different jobs pay differently, and yet people spend their money differently.Two families can earn the same money, but one family can spend it all on a luxurious house, etc.'' I will use it for this purpose.'' And the other lives modestly and is saving like crazy to retire early or travel instead. ”
Commentator Basmaz explained how she lives surrounded by large houses. But her home is in the only rental area in the entire neighborhood. Well, sometimes she gets a little sad when her daughter asks if she can't paint her room or have a trampoline or a big pool, but she's never embarrassed.
She explains it perfectly. “I think there are a lot of people out there who are living paycheck to paycheck or have a lot of debt. I'm on a debt-free journey and would like to buy a modest home. “Honestly. [my daughter and I] You'll be spending more time outside gardening, cycling, walking, going to the library/beach/park, and you won't need a huge house that requires endless upkeep. Your kids won't look back on their lives and care that you didn't have the biggest house in the neighborhood. I would like to focus on giving your child a great childhood with great memories. ”
But IWantALargeFarva thinks you should be friends with rich parents. In her comments, she explained that her children receive financial aid to attend private schools, acknowledging that some families have the money. “But most of them are laid back and secretly just as hot a mess as me lol — get to know them and really get to know them. Plan cool activities and make your home a fun home.” Let's have a chat while the parents are invited. The kids can just play and serve some wine and some delicious cheese from Aldi.”
For me, it has nothing to do with money or status, it's all about my family developing friendships that have everything to do with making memories and building a chosen family. We live in Fairfield, Connecticut, with mansions on one side of town and modest headlands on the other. Some residents have pool or country club memberships. Some people take advantage of beach passes and plan back-to-back fun weekends in town.
To be honest, we don't know how much our friends earn or whether they pay attention to the label on their handbag or the model of their car. I never point out or discuss those critical details with her daughter. Instead, I value these friends for making us laugh and being a good shoulder to cry on. I focus on creating warm and inviting homes where everyone from children to adults want to relax and create memories. They can park with Porsches and mopeds and I don't care at all. When you find a good friend that you trust and enjoy, hold on tight. And if they bring wine? Even better! By the way, that's why? Usually the cheapest is the best!
