But after I settled into my identity, I started to question whether bi was the right label for me. Maybe I was just too excited and hadn't explored it yet. Or maybe I should use “queer” as a broader term to describe myself. After over two years of accepting my sexuality, I suddenly felt as confused as I did when I was in the closet. I realized that I was in a hurry to choose a label when I could have recognized my attraction to women without naming them. I realized that that was also an option.
I put unnecessary pressure on myself to always know exactly who I am in every moment, and no one on earth can truly know that. I think. After much thought, I decided that as long as I was happy, it didn't matter how I used words to describe myself. Now I can change my label at any time without having to explain it to anyone. Want to label yourself? Are you okay. Don't want to label yourself? There's no problem with that either. Do what is best for you.
But I have the privilege of having a small identity crisis in my private life. No one cares if I identify as bi one day and queer the next, but the same cannot be said for public figures. The constant scrutiny on those in the spotlight makes it nearly impossible for them to navigate between different identities or change the language they use. I think more people should embrace the idea that sexuality and identity, like everything else in the world, can change.
As humans, we are constantly evolving, so it's no surprise that our sexuality also evolves with us. We need to allow people to come out (or not come out) of their own choosing. I hope that in the future we can move to a culture where we don't care so much about the words someone uses to describe themselves and just let them exist.
Phoebe volunteers as an ambassador for Just Like Us, a charity for LGBT+ young people. Are you LGBT+ and 18-25? Register here!
