- Amy Porterfield started her own business at age 31, outearning her husband's income as a firefighter.
- The couple decided that the husband would retire and the wife would support them both.
- Despite their initial hesitation, the arrangement has strengthened their communication and their marriage.
This essay is based on a conversation with Amy Porterfield, 47. Founder I'm an online marketing professional based in Nashville. Edited for length and clarity.
I never dreamed of being an entrepreneur. I assumed I would get a corporate job right out of college and work my way up the ranks. I loved the steady paycheck, health insurance, and all the perks of a 9-to-5 job.
I was Tony Robbins' Director of Content Development for nearly seven years. One day, Tony called a group of internet marketers into a meeting. They were all successful entrepreneurs, and they all had one thing in common: freedom. They were in charge, they set their own hours, they could be as creative as they wanted, and they weren't accountable to anyone. For the first time in my life, I wanted that.
I decided to strike out on my own. It took me about a year to work up the courage to put a plan into motion, but I launched my own social media consulting business at age 31.
It was the scariest thing I have ever done but it was the best decision I have ever made and now I support both myself and my husband Hobie.
At the time, my husband was planning to become a firefighter.
When I started my business, my husband was still working for a general contractor and helping to support our family while working towards becoming a firefighter. We didn't have children (though we do have a stepson). I knew I wanted to have children one day, but my desire to build something for myself, take charge, and inspire others was stronger than my desire to have children.
During the first two years of my business, I started to make money but it wasn't as much as I expected. My goal wasn't to be the breadwinner for my family, but to find a way to make money in a way that I loved. It wasn't until the third year that I realized that what I was making had the potential to be incredibly profitable.
As the business grew, I started making more money than my husband.
I realized at a tax meeting that I made more than my husband. We sat in front of an accountant and he gave us our annual salary. My income was much more than my husband's.
My husband made about $100,000 a year after he became a firefighter. I made $1 million in revenue in my third year of business. Last year, we hit $20 million in revenue.
I remember when we left the meeting, my husband said, “I didn't think it was that much.” I asked him if that was OK, and he said it felt weird that his wife made more than him, but he was proud of me.
Over the years, it became clear that his salary was significantly less than mine. We had to discuss how we felt about having different roles in our marriage than we thought we would. The conversations were never heated, and he never got upset.
We were both honest with each other and assumed he would be making more than me, but when things turned out differently, he celebrated my successes and I kept moving forward.
I started thinking about my husband's retirement.
Three years ago we moved from California to Tennessee. I can move anywhere for work, but moving to another state was not easy for my husband. As a firefighter, he had to start from scratch and work his way up the ranks.
Although he was young and loved his job, we came together as a family and decided that his retirement was the best decision for our family. At first, I was more supportive of it than he was. Firefighters can be away for up to 24 hours at a time, and I hated the thought of him being away.
At first, he wasn't too happy about not earning enough money to support us, but he had to make sacrifices and changes because of his job. In my job, I can take vacations whenever I want and set my own hours. It made sense because I have more freedom.
In the end, it was a good decision for us, but we were each nervous for different reasons.
He was bothered by not having a job that gave him purpose, and I was worried he would resent not being working – I didn't want him to feel frustrated that he could just relax all day and do what he loved.
The best thing I did was to be honest with him about this fear, he understood and we set some guidelines: he would manage our home and personal life and I would make the money.
We've defined his new responsibilities to include chores, mowing the lawn, laundry, reservations, car maintenance, managing contractors and renovations, etc. When we have guests over, I create the menu and the overall atmosphere. We manage our investments and retirement accounts together, but he pays all the bills.
These roles are very different from the environment I grew up in. My dad was the main breadwinner and my mom stayed home to raise me and my sister. I live a very different life than the environment I grew up in.
My husband is a true alpha male, but that doesn't mean he believes in traditional domestic roles. He was raised by a strong mother who worked outside the home and brought in most of the household income, so he was more open to non-traditional power dynamics.
Our arrangement has challenges
There were many times when I was busy at work and feeling stressed or overwhelmed and I would envy his free time and less stressful days.
His usual response at times like that was, “How can I make this easier for you? What do you need?” Just knowing that he was going to help us knew we were doing something right.
Sometimes he wants me to stop everything and be with him, but I run a business and I want and need to show up to work for my team. I love my job and I love my business. The business feels like an extension of me.
My husband said he wishes the tables were turned and he could have the same level of success as me, but that's not reality. “You make more in a month as a firefighter than I make in a year. Instead of wishing I could, I choose to be proud of you, support you, and be grateful for the life we live,” he said.
Being a breadwinner has made me a better leader, woman, wife, and friend
It's allowed me to build a business that employs 23 full-time employees, most of whom are women and many of whom are mothers. I'm an example of a lifestyle that many women think is impossible for them to live.
It has also strengthened my marriage. Building a life that is different from the status quo for most people forces you to communicate more, say the things you don't want to say but need to in order to grow, and show up in ways that grow you.
