At 11am on Sunday morning, I got out of bed, made some coffee, and heard the familiar ringtone of my iPhone. My mother is calling me I answered the phone on FaceTime, as she does every Sunday morning. When she answered the phone, her face, which looked a lot like mine, filled the iPhone screen.
“Hey, baby! Do you have coffee?” she asks, already knowing the answer. This is a ritual. This is a routine. We speak every Sunday morning at the exact same times: 11am in Brooklyn, New York and 5pm in Port Alfred, South Africa.
I've lived 9,000 miles away from my mom for 7 years.
I was 22 when I emigrated from South Africa. to new york In 2017, what I feared most wasn't the culture shock that inevitably awaited me, or trying to navigate the subway, or even how I would settle into a home that was so different from the one I grew up in.
My biggest fear was being separated from my mother, who raised me. Single ParentIt was her encouragement and unwavering support that inspired me to embark on this transatlantic flight in the first place.
Moving overseas meant I didn't know when I would see my mom again. There was no reunion to look forward to in the near future, no date marked on the calendar. As we said goodbye to her at the airport, before going through security, we both held out hope that we would see each other soon, although we didn't know when that would be.
I've only seen you three times since I moved.
In those seven years, I saw my mother three times, spending a total of six weeks with her. Lived abroadBut regardless of distance, maintaining our close relationship and finding new ways to spend time together is a top priority for me.
The biggest change was that my mother was no longer with me as I went through life's major milestones, instead watching my life unfold through a screen. The first time my heart was broken, I was crying hysterically to my mom on Facetime, unable to hug her. When an article I wrote was published in a famous publication, her mother sent me lots of congratulatory messages and told me how proud she was of me. All I wanted to do was drink my favorite wine and celebrate with her mom. Whether it's happy times or sad times, sometimes I need my mother.
Even now, when I'm sick and want my mom to take care of me, when I'm stressed at work and don't know how to get through a tough situation, or when I'm dating someone new and that person asks me to take care of them. That's what happens when you desperately want to meet the most important person in your life, your mother.
In fact, I appreciate her more now
My mom and I are closer than ever, even though there are 9,000 miles between us.
There's nothing she doesn't know about in my daily life. We text throughout the day, FaceTime every weekend, watch Netflix shows together, read the same books, and participate in each other's lives as if they were just moments apart. There are miles between us.
This wasn't the case when I lived at home, Intentionally about that time I spent my time with my mom because she was always there for me, but things changed when I moved abroad. My mom was no longer a fun person to be around and I will always regret taking that for granted.
Finding ways to connect with my mother in South Africa means being intentional about how I spend my time. I want to feel closer to the woman who gave birth to me, and living on another continent doesn't change how much she means to me or how much I love her. In fact, I think it makes me appreciate her even more. We live different lives, but we are forever connected.
