I believe that ethical billionaires do not exist. In the current day and economy, it is impossible to accumulate that much money without engaging in unfair labor practices and underpaying your employees. This also means that no billionaire in existence has reached that level of ethics.
Now, I could go on and on about wealth redistribution and why we should tax the richest 1%, but I'm tired. I've seen enough awful things happening in the news this week that I don't want to write a depressing article. So instead, today I'd like to address another gripe I have about the rich.
Why is it so boring?
The Roman poet Juvenal said, “Give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt,” referring to ordinary people like you and me. There is a problem with this, but again, that is not my problem today. Rather, I am angry because I don't have bread. or Circus.
The economy is going through a major recession, and while salaries are stagnating, the prices of basic food items are skyrocketing. My parents' neighbors keep chickens, so I can only buy eggs for now, so no bread.
Speaking of circuses, none of the billionaires are doing anything fun with their ill-gotten gains. Elon Musk is busy dismantling Twitter, which is now nearly unusable. Jeff Bezos just finished a $500 million yacht, and it's ugly. I'm sure these things are fun for them, but if they're going to accumulate wealth, they'd be better off treating their lives like a spectator sport. At the very least, I think that's the rational trade-off. interest If you're planning on drowning in money like Scrooge McDuck as the economy collapses, leave it to me.
There are so many things I want to do but can't because of the cost. I think it would be really fun to open a super niche museum, put on some crazy experimental theater, or indulge in some more self-indulgent fun, like spending millions of dollars to revive my favorite Broadway show, or doing a shot-for-shot perfect remake of The Matrix and adding me as the character who kisses Keanu Reeves, or, hopefully one day God will allow me to do this, finally building a Trader Joe's here in Fargo so I don't have to drive to Minneapolis to get that delicious dark chocolate caramel.
Not all of these aspirations are as lofty and altruistic as I would like to make them seem by nature. But that would be funny. Billionaires don't spend their time on charity or making the world a better place. As they should. But what's worse, metaphorically speaking, they are the most boring tyrants in the history of the planet.
I don't think we should bring back gladiator fights or anything like that. I just think billionaires are a bit more eccentric and a bit more fun to watch burning money like firewood. If supervillains existed in real life, I truly believe that at least 30% of people would forgive Magneto for wearing a weird outfit every time he leaves his house. Yes, he kills people, but he does it in a weird helmet and cape. His peripheral vision is probably awful. Imagine how funny it would be if he stepped on the edge of his cape every time he walked by and ran away before turning around. I would risk dying, but it would be fun.
Jeff Bezos' yacht is ugly and bland, and looks like it was designed by an HGTV home remodeler who stripped away the perfect, beautiful Victorian wallpaper and painted everything beige. It's tragic enough that he's building it at all. SuperyachtAt a time when people are starving and Amazon workers are striking for basic rights, according to the New York Post, can't they at least make it a cool yacht? Is $500 million not enough to make it look like a period-accurate pirate ship or a floating Millennium Falcon?
If we aren't going to go out with a guillotine and demand justice (and I wouldn't rule that out), then we need to stop being complacent. Come on guys, come on, Jeff, I don't care. Can you at least make me laugh when you stomp your capitalist boot on my neck?
