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Is one dog enough? According to the internet, it costs between £2,000 and £3,000 a year to own a dog in the UK. This isn't the first time I've had trouble understanding what the internet is saying. Firstly, I clearly don't shop at Mango & Maude for my pets. I don't put my dog in kennels when I'm on holiday, and I don't keep my old dog.
A few months ago, my husband got a call from his sister asking if anyone knew anyone who could adopt Bam, a sweet, energetic 3-year-old American Cocker Spaniel, and let him live with us and our Spaniel, Stanley.
With expenses squeezed and bills and taxes rising, it just wasn't a good time to get another dog. Plus, we had just recovered from the trauma of euthanizing our 15.5-year-old Basset Fauve, Barnaby. And that was a year ago. Barnaby had a full life, appeared on TV, and had a devoted social media following. He had a deep, resonant, distinctive bark that his brother Ed affectionately nicknamed him “Barkaby” because he loved to use it. The nickname my partner gave him isn't printable. But we loved him.
For a few weeks after he passed away, we thought we needed a replacement dog. Stanley kept looking for a companion in the house. Eventually, we all got used to having a one-dog household. The cost savings were huge.
In his final years Barnaby's insurance premiums were £458.63 a month. I've written before about the rising costs of insurance for older hounds. I wondered whether it would have been better to get the highest level of insurance or to just save up money to cover vet bills. It probably worked out in the end. Without insurance I would have had to empty my bank account just to visit the vet once a month for potions, medication and injections to keep him comfortable in his final years. I got what I paid for.
We asked ourselves, do we really want to shell out a lot of money for another dog? We need money for road trips. Plus, the Aston guzzles gas like a thirsty dog. We had to say “no” to a new puppy.
But she came along. Putting aside the fact that kids shouldn't be allowed to name their pets, Bam is cute. So double the food, insure her for £100 a month, buy her a new dog bed and an expensive collar from Mango & Maude and everyone's happy, right? End of story.
No. The costs of owning a dog are unpredictable. She will need to be spayed. No one seems to know when she was last in heat so you wait for that joy. Book the operation in 3 months and pay another £420.
Kennels are in short supply in London and are very expensive – a regular kennel can cost £90 a day, a dog country club can cost over £120 a day. For many years I had a great kennel near my seaside house, but it closed down when the owner retired.
But Bam has other issues too: separation anxiety. He's very well behaved when we're home, but when we go out, by the time we get back he's climbed on the piano or the kitchen worktops looking for snacks, opened the dishwasher and licked the plates, carried all the cutlery to his bed (to make sure it's clean), and grabbed books off the shelves and ripped them to shreds. I haven't even read my friend's autographed book yet, because she got there first.
Everything in her path becomes collateral damage. Four vases gone. One plate. I might need a Ring pet security camera for £49.99 and a little more help training my misbehaving dog. It's hard. An initial consultation with a pet behaviourist is £100, then about £75 per session. I'd estimate the total cost would be between £300 and £500.
Recalling Bam may be good, but I've lost her twice. Once, on a dog walk on the beach two weeks after I got her; I ended up retracing my steps and finding her waiting for me on the doorstep; and another time, she disappeared into a hedge in the distance. After 10 minutes of frantic yelling “Bam” like an excited eight-year-old playing cops and robbers, she emerged from the hedge with a rabbit in her mouth. I think it was alive when she picked it up; it was no longer alive when she put it down.
Three months to settle, they say. Two months on and of course she's here. For now. Is one dog enough? Never. As for new vases, no Liberty's or Selfridges until she's trained. I shop the amazing middle aisle at Aldi, where now with twice as many dogs I buy half price food.
James Max is a TV and radio presenter and real estate expert. Opinions expressed are personal. X, Instagram, Thread Follow
