Hiding the price tag is not about hiding privilege. Whether or not she knows the price of her employer's bread, the nanny is undoubtedly aware of the class disparity. Rather, such behavior helps the wealthy manage their discomfort with inequality, which then makes it impossible to speak honestly about or change that inequality.
The first time the stigma of wealth emerged in my interviews was in a literal silence about money. When I asked one very wealthy stay-at-home mom how much her family had, she was surprised. “Honestly, no one has ever asked me that,” she said. “No one asks that. It's on par with 'Do you masturbate?'”
Another woman, talking about the $50 million plus fortune she and her husband made in their work in finance and the value of their home, which is worth over $10 million, told me, “No one knows how much we spend. You're the only one I've ever spoken those numbers to out loud.” She was so uncomfortable sharing this information that she contacted me later that day to specifically confirm how she intended to maintain her anonymity. Several women I spoke to said they would never tell their husbands anything they'd discussed with me, saying things like, “My husband would kill me” or, “My husband is more private.”
These conflicts often extended to a deep discomfort with flaunting their wealth. Scott, an heir to more than $50 million, told me he and his wife were conflicted about the Manhattan apartment they recently purchased for more than $4 million. When I asked why, he replied, “Do we want to live somewhere so fancy? Do we hate it when people walk in and say, 'Wow!' That's exhausting. We're not the type to hide it. We don't want to be like, 'Wow!'” His wife, whom I interviewed separately, was so insecure about living in a penthouse that she asked the post office to change the address to include the floor number instead of “PH,” which she found “elitist and snobby.”
My interviewees never described themselves as “rich” or “upper class,” preferring terms like “affordable” or “lucky.” Some even identified as “middle class” or “in the middle,” comparing themselves to the ultra-rich who are especially visible in New York City, and not to those who have less.
