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Apparently, from my perspective as a cave dweller living in a basement outside of Boulder, Colorado, shunning humanity, there's a lot of “cool stuff” happening in the climbing world right now. One of the biggest trends is celebrities taking up climbing or fraternizing with the sport's luminaries, like Alex Honnold, Chris Sharma, Tommy Caldwell, etc. It's a two-way street, celebrities get to do some extreme stuff with the top dogs in the sport, and climbers get to burnish their own brand by getting closer to the big stars.
Recently, Jared Leto, who is an actor and also a musician as a hobby, Climb the Empire State Building While tied to a double top rope, as recorded by climbers and filmmakers Renan OzturkLeto has been spotted in the past Climbing with Alex Honnold Honnold fell and nearly got chopped at Tuolumne and Red Rock, Nevada. Rope Core Shot Over a sharp edge, 600 feet above the ground. Honnold tried to kill Magnus. Mid-bo A quick “scramble” before Midtbø If we can get more people to join the Navy SEAL YouTube Challenge, I think there's a lesson here.) I've always thought Jared Leto was a great actor, at least Jordan Catalano/My so-called life and Requiem for a Dream Daily, major props Dallas Buyers ClubBut lately he seems to have morphed into a smug, long-bearded, charming guy with a Christ-like mane who dodges chalk pots at his head at the gym in anger, so I didn't really mind when Leto TR'd a skyscraper.
Of course, Chris Sharma and his longtime brother, actor Jason Momoa, will also be releasing shows. the climb In the six-episode series, which will air on HBO Max, contestants cry and hug each other while falling off rock climbs in exotic locations. I'm too poor to go because my wife thinks ordering plastic junk from Amazon for our kids is a competitive sport. (And yes, I applied to be on the show. And you (Me too, but I lost. They weren't looking for a cranky, unkempt, antisocial “sweatpants dad” who dressed like a bike-thieving gutterpunk.) Anyway, Momoa is a real climber. A former Midwest kid who used to dirtbagger in Hueco Pete's parking lots and boulder at the Tanks. And he's super-sized. So I'm not gonna badmouth him, and neither should you.
***
This got me thinking about how I could ride the wave of celebrity rise and polish my own lackluster brand these days (I can't imagine being 52 and having a full-time job in this economy, when the only editorial demand is SEO writing (whatever that is) and AI-enhanced Tik Tok users using the ChatGPT algorithm to auto-generate “fresh content”).
Since I've always been a C-grade climber, occasionally climbing down to the lowest rungs of B-grade, I thought it would be beneficial for me to connect with famous people of a similar stature. In other words, Tom Cruise probably isn't going to top-rope climb the Saeus and post it on YouTube and get millions of likes, because his peers would never let a nobody like me through the front door, and it's a long, hot climb to get there. La Falaise.
No, my plan is to connect with disgraced ex-celebrities who are just as craving attention as I am. I'm thinking someone like Michael Richards (aka “Kramer”). Seinfeld), gaming blogger/YouTube celebrity PewDiePie, who was canceled after going on an N-word-filled rant at a comedy club (no, I'm not linking that one), Hearing Impaired and Jewor comedian Kathy Griffin Trump decapitated doll She's since been banned from mainstream media, but is now a struggling celebrity looking to make a fresh start.
Here's the plan: Just like Honnold did with Magnus, I'm going to take them “scrambling” on the Flatirons and live-stream the whole thing, no matter what happens. So, basically, I'm going to take these complete beginners to free solo on some exposed class 5 or lower rock, reassure them that it's completely safe, and that if they fall, they can stop themselves by spreading their limbs out like a cat clinging to a curtain.
“Nobody has ever died free soloing the Flatirons,” I'll tell them. “Not even Jared Leto.”
Think of the likes, page views, re-shares, and ad revenues as my YouTube channel and social media explode, especially as a canceled, unpopular, narcissistic B-list “star” falls and falls into ruin, all streamed live on a GoPro. Heck, I can even start betting on who will succeed and who will fail. It's a win-win situation. I'll be rich and famous, and the world will be rid of its most toxic celebrities in one fell swoop.
This idea may be great for you. Or maybe Black MirrorOr maybe that sounds incredibly immoral, like I'm killing shitty people in Hollywood for sport or financial gain. All I can say is, don't judge. In today's hustle economy, good new ideas are rare. And I just had a great idea.
Matt Samet is a freelance writer and editor based in Boulder, Colorado. He Mountaineering Dictionary And memoirs Death grip.
